Invaluable advice from Nancy Kress, writer:

http://writerunboxed.com/2007/05/11/interview-nancy-kress/

The Proposal Trailer [2009]

It's that time of the year again ... for rice dumplings! YUM. I just realised I don't eat anyone else's rice dumplings other than my grandmother's, and for good reason. My grandmother's rice dumplings are to die for.

It's quite a major production. She'd wake up at the crack of dawn and start boiling water in the huge vat to dunk the wrapped dumplings in. My aunt would come and help with the wrapping, and by evening, we'd have huge plates (you'd need two people to stretch out their arms to cover its circumference, and I'm not kidding about that) of rice dumplings ready to last the entire Chua family (at least 19 people, excluding colleagues and friends that some of them give away to) for at least a week.

But honestly, I can't stand tao sa. It's so effin gross: sweet and melt-y, even worse than chocolate, and that's saying a lot, since I hate chocolate with a passion (yes, I'm weird, shut up), and ice-cream. I wish my grandmother made more rice dumplings with no tao sa. Or that gao luk thingy. I have no idea what it's called in English. Chestnut, maybe? Idk. But I think it's chestnut, boiled chestnut. Ugh.

Apart from that, it's awesome.

And you know what else is awesome? Me being on page 271 of Bedful of Moonlight. I was so ready to give up writing it at page 180, because I thought my story was going nowhere and dominated by too many conversations. I'm still worried about that, but I figured what the hell, I'll just finish the damn thing and ask for opinions. Like what Jerm said, if I keep worrying about how the story'll turn out, I'll never finish it. And since I'm already at page 271, I might as well finish those last 40 pages or so. I am so going to look for representation for this one. I just hope Michelle Andelman wouldn't have been too frightened off by Lilies (melodramatic, remember?) to turn this one down.

And I just heard No Boundaries by Kris Allen on radio (987fm). Good stuff. Kris is a solidly talented musician. I wish him all the best in his career. Same goes for Adam, who is already a star despite not being the new American Idol.

Why am I back on this topic? Lol. Guess the two of them are my favourite contestants on AI so far. And I heard something about Michael Sarver (the oil rigger, top 13) telling Adam where he came from, 'people like you are either hidden in the closet or dead'. I don't know if it's true, but I actually like Michael. I don't believe he'd say something like that; he seems like such a decent guy, even if he does look like a small-town hick. Most guys from middle America have got that wholesome look (e.g. KRIS), even though they may be quite parochial on certain things that I won't get into here. But the thing about big-city boys is that they are more liberal-minded and wordly. Though that again can be a downside, because they're so much more experienced and stuff.

What the hell am I rambling on about?

Never mind. Anyway, I watched some of The Hills yesterday. Yes, I'm completely guilty about that. It's like a guilty pleasure. Wait, no. It's like schadenfreude. Like watching a senseless train wreck. Watching these air-headed girls walking about Beverly Hills in their Louboutins, talking (scripted) about their boring lives and boring (or assholic, in the case of Heidi Montag) boyfriends and high-schoolish drama about who made out with whose boyfriend. Long story short: Lauren Conrad, the main character, was best friends with Heidi Montag, who later fell for Spencer Pratt (aka Douchbag of the Century), who destroyed the friendship between the girls when Heidi chose to be with Spencer and give up Lauren. Speidi (as they're all calling them) then made up a rumour about a Lauren Conrad sex-tape that got Lauren so pissed off she confronted them in a club. Barack Obama commented in a speech that the first thing he was going to to as president was to stop the feuding between Lauren and Heidi. Anyway, then, Lauren finds new bffs (*rolls eyes*), Audrina Patridge, as well as her co-worker from Vogue magazine where she interns, Whitney Port. Whitney and Audrina aren't all that close because Audrina doesn't work with them, but she's friends with Lauren and Heidi. Now another of Lauren's high school best friends, Lo Bosworth, comes to live with her, and there's a lot of tension between her and Audrina, because Lo is a possessive bitch who doesn't know how to share her friend with other people. On the boy front, Lauren makes a new friend called Brody Jenner, with whom she shares an ambiguous relationship, but eventually Brody (who is cute, but is also the Player of the Century) gets a girlfriend while Lauren's away in Paris for work. Also, she broke up with her almost-as-douchy-as-Spencer boyfriend, Jason something. Have I bored you yet? I must have. In case I haven't, Lauren not does not approve of Spencer (HA, that's an understatement! She HATES him with a passion, and the feeling is mutual), and neither does she like Justin Bobby, Audrina's on-off boyfriend for four years, who is an asshole and treats her badly (but Audrina goes back to him everytime, what an idiot). He is rude (burping loudly, deliberately at dinner) and selfish (he doesn't help the girls carry their luggages, but only carries his own little duffel and walks ahead of them) and talks like his tongue is made of lead and with his head horizontal most of the time. But then there was some rumour about Lauren hooking up with "your friends don't fathom me" Justin Bobby (I know, confusing), and then Lauren and Audrina fell out, but got together again. And then Audrina moved out because of the tension between her and Lo, and now it's just Lauren and Lo, and Whitney's moved to NYC for work (earning herself a spinoff show called The City). Then Audrina starts falling for Brody, which makes his psychotic bitch of a girlfriend maaad, and there was some confrontation between them in a club, and Brody was like, "I just want this over with." And back to LC, I've just heard something about Lauren and Heidi - get ready for this - patching up. I saw something on YouTube, where the two of them were crying, and Heidi was saying, "I'm happiest when I'm with you. All my good memories are of you," and Lauren pulled her into a hug...

Okay, see why this is bad TV but good trash? Completely addictive, but brainless. But come on, Nathan Bransford is addicted to it too (to date, he has 40 posts with The Hills as a label, and they're funny as hell, as usual - Nathan's seriously the most entertaining blogger ever), so I prefer to see it as being in touch with pop culture.

I just realised how addicted I am to Nathan's blog. It's almost unhealthy. I can read it all day. And yes, I know, I'm procrastinating. I'm supposed to be writing, but here I am. And yes, I've used 8 I's in this paragraph so far. Where's the nearest soup kitchen?

All right. Enough rambling. Shut your mouth, Joyce. But they're already shut. Okay, shut the mouth of your mind.

Wait. Am I talking to myself?

Clearly, I need to get out more often.

I'm currently reading this amazing book, Hello, I Must Be Going, by Christie Hodgen. It's about this girl whose father, a Vietnam war veteran, shot himself in the head due to depression after coming home from the war. The entire story is about her and her family (a younger brother Teddy, and her mother) trying to get over his death. But it's no sob story. Frankie, that's the female protagonist of the story, is a cynical but funny girl who has lost direction in life ever since her father died. Going through a slew of well-meaning school counsellors and guidance counsellors, she struggles to cling on to the past as her brother grows to become rebellious and her mother, negligent.

Hodgen's writing is lyrical, poignant (I've always yearned to write like this), and heartbreakingly funny. The reader may think the narrator's fine, judging by her voice, but there are undercurrents of sadness and cynicism in life that makes you empathise with her (she's only 12! She shouldn't be losing hope in the world, in life, just yet!). Through a series of prose, Hodgen strings together a coherent and moving chronicle of a family trying to smooth itself over its loss.

I am so going to read her other novel, A Jeweller's Eye for Flaw.

Okay, so today I opened my Inbox and saw the reply from Michelle Andelman (the aforementioned literary agent who seemed stoked about my manuscript for Lilies and requested for the full thing). Strangely, I wasn't clicking on it with trepidation. Somehow, I knew it wouldn't be good news. Maybe it's because I didn't wake up smelling a lot of hope and change in the air.

But yeah, she turned it down eventually. But she was really nice about it. She gave me lots of honest, genuine and focused feedback, for which I thank her profusely. Here's her full email response:


Dear Joyce,

Sincere thanks for sharing your full manuscript for WHEN THE LILIES TURN ORANGE with me. I do love the concept, and the set up for Raven & Connell's relationship - I do feel there's something very emotionally & psychologically compelling, and very special for the market, in the troubled therapy boy profile you've given Connell, the questions your story asks at the intersection of trust and love, but I found the actual plot movements here - the story's step-by-step execution on it's fabulous premise, that is to say - a bit too over-the-top and melodramatic [Oops! Really?? Okay, maybe I DID try to make it really dramatic and dark], for me at least, right down the Rox/shovel moment, and I had trouble connecting to - really feeling rooted inside - both Connell & Raven as characters, and thus able to root for them. So, for this reason, I will step aside at this juncture.

Certainly this is just one agent's take, and I must stress that I think you have obvious writing talent (though I will say in the same way that perhaps I thought the plot was a bit overwrought, do keep honing your craft and reigning in your tendency, I think, to overwrite/over-state the emotions/thoughts of your characters -- trust yourself to accomplish your story's and character's reveals with more subtlety, & your readers to grasp more emotionally without needing to be *told* quite so much by your narrators). [Ah, yes. The old 'show, don't tell' adage. I should have revised it one more time before sending her my full manuscript. I had, after all, written it when I was 17. As I'd mentioned before, when I read back on it now, the writing seems cumbersome and juvenile.]

In any case, thank you for letting me share this feedback with you, in turn. [Hell, thank YOU for sharing that feedback with me.] I hope you'll take this as a candid note of encouragement as you continue to work towards publication. I would be happy to hear from you again in the future on this or on other projects, but for now I wish you all the best for success.

Regards,
Michelle


In a way, I kind of expected this. (No, actually, I'd expected her to send the typical generic 'I don't think I'm the right agent to represent this project' spiel that literary agents give to reject aspiring writers, but she didn't, which was nice.) I thought it was too good to be true. I mean, so far, Lilies hasn't received the kind of response I'd hope for. Practically everyone who has read both Lilies and Moonlight (not many, but still) tells me the latter is better. And so far, I haven't had a really enthusiastic response from anyone who's read my stories (apart from maybe Yishi - thanks, babe!). So it makes sense that one more person doesn't believe in it, right? Why would she, after all, when no-one else does? I'm not being insinuating or cynical, if that's what you're thinking now. I'm just trying to pull my dreams back down. A girl can dream, yes, but not if it makes you completely lose sight of reality.

This just renewed my vigour and determination to complete Moonlight and revise, revise, revise (as Nathan Bransford said) after I'm done with it, so I can try to interest Michelle in it. This time, I'll make it good or die trying. Nobody publishes their first novel (well, okay, Lilies isn't my first, but like I said, those I wrote before it are considered trial runs only, anyway), anyway. Joanne Harris (author of The Lollipop Shoes, Gentleman and Players, (her best yet, in my humble opinion), Five Quarters of the Orange, Chocolat, The Evil Seed, Coastliners and many others) only published her first novel, The Evil Seed, recently after the success she's had with other others novels.

Yes. That's the spirit, I suppose. In the meantime, I'll just get back to my Word Processor now, shall I?

Later, yall.

Warning: this post is a trend-of-thought monologue, and may potentially bore you or cause confusion in your head as you try to make sense of my internal verbal vomit.

Why would Caleb want to leave with his mother? Is it because he doesn’t believe he can repair his family any longer? If that is so, something has to HAPPEN to make him realise that. Does he finally get tired of helping his father? But given how loyal he is to him, it is an unlikely explanation. Caleb is not one to complain. He doesn’t resent the fact that he is helping his father hide from the law; he just doesn’t want him to get into more trouble than he already is in.

So. WHY WOULD CALEB DECIDE TO LEAVE? If I can't give a strong explanation for this, not only will my story not stand, I won't be able to move on.

The only question I can think of asking right now is, what does Caleb want? What is his motivation? Kristen wants permanence; she fears abandonment. So does Caleb, in a way. He is afraid of being left behind; he is afraid of ... irresponsibility, maybe? If that is so, then that's a new character trait of his that I've never established before. Okay. Then I'll have to SHOW that he's responsible. How? By the way he looks after Oliver. Yes. Okay, now that that's established (man, I have a hell lot of revision to do), let's now look at the way Caleb views his family. We know Reilly sees her family as screwed up, but her loyalties lie unswervingly (is that a word?) with her father, Jade with her mother. Caleb is just trying to protect his mother and help to hold the family together (a distinctly masculine trait, protect and perform - to take the place of his absent father, maybe?). So I also have to show that the family right now, with Gabriel, is not ideal, not the one that the kids are happy in. How? What I've shown so far is that they're both workaholics, too busy to spend time with their kids. They are only politely detached with each other, but the workaholic idea is a little cliched, no?

Oh, by the way, should I make Kristen less weepy? Because Khrish just told me she found her a little too emotional. Which is true. I'd been afraid she'd come off like that, too self-absorbed and unwilling to move on and just too content to stew in her head, replaying her boyfriend's death over and over again. Maybe I should make her a detached and stony individual when she first arrives at Wroughton. I've done the detached thing, but I mentioned that she kept crying after Blake died. Maybe I should make her repress her emotions, empty her out, so that everything only comes out at night. Then I can build up dramatic tension to the climax where Kristen finally allows herself to let go (ie, scene at the craft fair with Caleb).

Back to Caleb. What happens to make him want to leave? I don't think I want it to be Gareth this time. He's done too much; too much is centred around and stemmed from him. Let other characters come into play. I've been wondering if I've created too little characters. In Lilies, there were more characters, more distinct voices, that made the story more interesting (if I may say so myself). Who, though, in Moonlight? WHO?? What makes him realise that leaving Wroughton (and Kristen) is the best option? Why would he want to leave with his mother and Gabriel? Arrrgh, Joyce! Think!

Dammit. I need to lie down.

I just realised what exactly it is that makes me so sad about writing (despite the joy it gives me): I have no-one to share it with.

http://www.hbook.com/magazine/articles/2009/may09_dessen.asp

My favourite YA writer (hell, my favourite writer) ever: Sarah Dessen. I just ADORE her way with words, and how tenderly she treats her characters, and how she gently allows them to interact with each other. She is, in a word, brilliant (that sort of reminded me of Simon Cowell). Let me dissect my favourite characters from my favourite SD books, starting from my absolute fave:

1. The Truth About Forever
A story about a girl whose father had died of a heart attack on a run. After his death, her mother throws herself into work and Macy isn't allowed to grief so as to support her mother. She tries hard to be perfect, like her boyfriend Jason. But when she meets the Wish Catering crew one day during one of her mother's launch parties (she sells houses), she slowly allows herself to live life again, making new friends like Wes, Kristy, Monica, Bert and Delia. But her mother tries hard to pull her back, and Macy has to guide her through the process of grief that they had denied themselves all this while.
Wes: he's actually my inspiration for Caleb. He's gentle with Macy, giving her time and space to grieve. He's swoon-worthy, he's thoughtful, he's caring, he's modest, he's artistic, he's a reformed delinquent, he's a responsible brother. He's also my absolute favourite male character from all of Sarah Dessen's books.
Kristy: she was in a car accident when she was young, which gave her the very noticeable scars. But she's loud and out-spoken. She loves attention. She figures if people are going to stare at her because of her scars, she might as well give them something to look at.
Bert: the fumbling, unassuming younger brother of Wes. He's kind of weird if you don't know him better, because he keeps going on and on about the end of the world and stuff like that. But he's really endearing.

Okay, you know what. I really need to go back to work. I promised myself I'd finish writing chapter 24 today, and I'm only halfway through and it's already 7.10pm! More soon.

Mrs Dessen, you are my inspiration. I love you and thank you for creating such relatable, unforgettable characters, and for writing book after amazing book where each character is so different yet universal. I am damn glad I picked up Keeping the Moon (my second - or third - favourite SD book) when I was 14.

I miss SA.

From Nathan Bransford's (a literary agent at Curtis Brown, one of New York's largest literary companies) blog:




Ten Commandments for the Happy Writer
Writers aren't generally known as the happiest lot. As a recent Guardian survey of some top writers shows, even the best ones don't particularly enjoy it all that much. And in case you think this is a new development, an 1842 letter from Edgar Allen Poe to his publisher recently surfaced in which he was found apologizing for drinking so much and begging for money.

But believe it or not, writing and happiness can, in fact, go together. For our Thursday entry in Positivity Week, here are ten ways for a writer to stay positive:

1. Enjoy the present. Writers are dreamers, and dreamers tend to daydream about the future while concocting wildly optimistic scenarios that involve bestsellordom, riches, and interviews with Ryan Seacrest. In doing so they forget to enjoy the present. I call this the "if only" game. You know how it goes: if only I could find an agent, then I'll be happy. When you have an agent, then it becomes: if only I could get published, then I'll be happy. And so on. The only way to stay sane in the business is to enjoy every step as you're actually experiencing it. Happiness is not around the bend. It's found in the present. Because writing is pretty great -- otherwise why are you doing it?

2. Maintain your integrity. With frustration comes temptation. It's tempting to try and beat the system, whether that's by having someone else write your query, lying to the people you work with, or, you know, concocting the occasional fake memoir. This may even work in the short term, but unless you are Satan incarnate (and I hope you're not) it will steadily chip away at your happiness and confidence, and your heart will shrivel and blacken into something they show kids in health class to scare them away from smoking. Don't do it.

3. Recognize the forces that are outside of your control. While it's tempting to think that it's all your fault if your book doesn't sell, or your agent's fault or the industry's fault or the fault of a public that just doesn't recognize your genius, a lot of times it's just luck not going your way. Chance is BIG in this business. Huge. Gambling has nothing on the incredibly delicate and complex calculus that results in a book taking off. Bow before the whims of fate, because chance is more powerful than you and your agent combined.

4. Don't neglect your friends and family. No book is worth losing a friend, losing a spouse, losing crucial time with your children. Hear me? NO book is worth it. Not one. Not a bestseller, not a passion project, nothing. Friends and family first. THEN writing. Writing is not an excuse to neglect your friends and family. Unless you don't like them very much.

5. Don't Quit Your Day Job. Quitting a job you need to pay the bills in order to write a novel is like selling your house and putting the proceeds into a lottery ticket. You don't have to quit your job to write. There is time in the day. You may have to sacrifice your relaxation time or sleep time or reality television habit, but there is time. You just have to do it.

6. Keep up with publishing industry news. It may seem counterintuitive to follow the news of a business in which layoffs currently constitute the bulk of headlines. But it behooves you to keep yourself informed. You'll be happier (and more successful) if you know what you're doing.

7. Reach out to fellow writers. No one knows how hard it is to write other than other people who have tried to do it themselves. Their company is golden. If you're reading this it means you have an Internet connection. Reach out and touch a writer. And plus, the Internet allows you to reach out to writers without smelling anyone's coffee breath.

8. Park your jealousy at the door. Writing can turn ordinary people into raving lunatics when they start to believe that another author's success is undeserved. Do not begrudge other writers their success. They've earned it. Even if they suck.

9. Be thankful for what you have. If you have the time to write you're doing pretty well. There are millions of starving people around the world, and they're not writing because they're starving. If you're writing: you're doing just fine. Appreciate it.

10. Keep writing. Didn't find an agent? Keep writing. Book didn't sell? Keep writing. Book sold? Keep writing. OMG an asteroid is going to crash into Earth and enshroud the planet in ten feet of ash? Keep writing. People will need something to read in the resulting permanent winter.

Thank you, Nathan, for that upbeat and uplifting post. Reading a really good book (try Sarah Dessen's) reminds me of why I write. But really, it's the thought process and people's feedback that makes me really happy. I want to know other people can feel about my book as much as I do - it's the most rewarding part I've experienced so far. Also, concocting the ideas and letting the story flow is truly exhilarating. I mean, everything is in your hands: the characters, their flaws (especially their flaws), their interactions, tensions, action, dilemmas... And then you get so attached to them, to the setting, to the world you've created in your head. I just think it's unbelievable.

Nathan's blog is amazing. He gives all sorts of writing advice, and even an activity where readers get to be agents for a day and critique other writers' query letters. And the best thing is, he isn't snarky like some other literary agents who blog. He's really nice and friendly, and even though he rejected my query, he personalised the rejection letter and was encouraging in it. So thank you, Nathan, for putting so much effort into your blog for aspiring writers like me who just want to hone our craft!

And on a side note, keeping a writing blog now makes me more disciplined than ever, because now I have a greater responsibility to my readers (the handful of them - thank you very much for reading, I really really appreciate it). So I can't afford to slack off because I publish one chapter everyday. I know this is quite shameless of me, but if you like my story, you can just tell your friends about it, and tell your friends to tell their friends, and so on. I just want feedback. That's all I'm asking for. I want readers to respond to my writing. I had such a great time talking to YL and Yishi about my story. I'm glad they like it.

And I guess, like what Nathan said, I can't wait around for happiness to come by in the form of a literary agent. I know, I know. Still, it would be an affirmation of sorts, you know, to have someone - an absolute stranger - believe in my work strongly enough to want to promote it to a publisher... *fingers crossed!*

Oh, by the way! YAY for Danny being out from Idol. I mean, I'm sorry, you're a good singer and all, and I'm sorry for the loss of your wife. But Kris rocked big time, with his cool rendition of Heartless by Kanye West. Randy was right. It was even better than Kanye's version. Adam did well, but I'm starting to think he screams too much. Mad World was awesome, and so was Tracks of My Tears - he should slick back his hair like Elvis more (the resemblance is uncanny) and sing those types of songs. Mad World was hauntingly good. But I guess that's not really his style. I don't really dig the punk-rocker look of his, to be honest, but hey, if that's his style, then so be it. But if he keeps on screaming, people might get sick of it and he may not win it after all. I added Mad World to my playlist, so go hear it if you want.

Kris has solid talent. He can play the piano, the guitar and his vocals are strong (compared to Danny's last week; Danny sounded so breathy he was almost asthmatic). And his renditions are risky (like what Kara said) but original. Gotta love Kris Allen. Oh, and it doesn't hurt that he's cute too.

This is just how I had hoped it would end: Kris and Adam, the two strongest contenders.

Allison was pretty good too, but she can't really break out of her comfort zone. Because of her raspy voice, she can probably only sing the edgy Kelly Clarkson (but she might not reach her pitch either) type of songs. That performance between Adam and Allison last week was the bomb. It warmed my heart how they complemented each other on stage, and how they were so encouraging towards each other. Plus, they were both in their element. It probably wouldn't have worked as well if Kris sang with Adam. I'm not saying Kris isn't good (of course I'm not). I'm just saying Kris gives off that Jason Mraz-y, acoustic vibe, which isn't really Adam's style at all. Danny's like another Michael Bolton, and truthfully, I'm sick of the husky voice kinda singing. We already have Taylor Hicks and Nickelback and Hinder and Rod Stewart and, of course, Michael Bolton. We don't really need another Danny Gokey.

So I say, Kris Allen all the way! (Although you have to admit, Adam has a greater stage presence than him.) Yes, Triv, I know you agree. (She can't stand Adam for all his screaming fits, lmao.)

So who're you rooting for?

I finally remember what my last point was. Swimming really clears your head. Mmm, swimming. Can't get enough of it.

Anyway. I borrowed this really amazingly helpful book from the library the evening before. It's Creating Characters: A Writer's Reference to the Personality Traits that Bring Fictional People to Life by Howard Lauther. And can I just say that it is incredibly useful if you want to create real, three-dimensional characters. It's got practically every aspect covered: internal/external traits, what the character wants/needs/not want/does not need/fears/believes, his strengths/weaknesses/habits/background/self-assessment/type (and they list out every possible type from A to Z)/job/ and even nickname; it asks what plot drivers will affect the character and whether he will face a non-human adversary.

I wish I could own the book. Thank you, Howard Lauther, for writing it.

Okay, a list of updates. (It's the easiest way I know to get everything out without sounding like a garbled, incoherent moron.)

1. I showed dad the Jensen Ackles 'Eye of the Tiger' clip on YouTube, and he was surprisingly equally amused by it.

2. My poor legs are dead, thanks to standing from 8am to 10pm yesterday at Isetan Private Sales. All I'm saying is, if they don't give me a sitting job next time, I'm not working for their private sales. I was at the main entrance collecting and handing out in-house plastic bags to the customers, and let me tell you, I have never stood so long in my life. It's agony. I had to go hide in the Ladies to rest my poor ankles and heels (the bones hurt!) and the backs of my thighs. And that lovely Yiling was at the HSBC voucher redemption counter, helping customers exchange their payments for vouchers. So SHE gets to sit all day. The injustice of it all. Saw Shiqing, Shixuan, Tham YL, Xinyi and Wan Ting (from SA), and Yenleng. Apart from Wan Ting, the rest were working.

3. I just printed out Lilies and just about went insane from all the mistakes I spotted. It's supposed to be the friggin edited version, which means it should be clear of all typos (and that's not even the worst mistake) and grammatical errors and spelling errors and weird clunky sentences! And the worst thing is, I sent that copy to Michelle Andelman. I just hope she'll be keen on representing me after seeing all those horrifying mistakes. *CRINGE MAJOR*

That's all for now. One more point just slipped from my mind. See, that's why I have to come up with a list, so I can get everything quickly. Not that it worked, apparently.

From Stephen Parrish's blog:

If a book contains history, the book itself is a part of history. An old book is a time capsule. When you open the front cover you open a door to another world, a world accessible through a kind of looking glass made of hardboard and cloth. The author's voice resonates in the reader's head with the same words that resonated in his own as he wrote them. He speaks to the reader from the past. What he witnessed, experienced, learned, and discovered will live forever. You only have to turn a page to travel in time.

Wolverine (in 30 Seconds)

After a day of working at the designer department of Robinsons (Centrepoint), I've decided to quit.

I'm not spoilt (unlike what my dad said). It's just, I can't do it, all right? I can't stand standing for seven hours straight, doing absolutely nothing apart from arranging clothes and steam-ironing them (and that's the only cool bit, learning how to use a steam-iron for the first time) and behaving so ingratiatingly to the uppity customers who expect the world just because they are able to pay a couple of hundreds for a dress. Um, no thank you. I don't have to serve you, sweetheart, so I didn't. I just hung about between the racks, making sure the clothes were arranged from the smallest to the largest size, and occasionally text-messaging even though that wasn't allowed. I'm not gunning for the Employee of the Year, anyway, so.

Right, so once again, I'm jobless. It wouldn't be such a problem if my story (short or novel-length) proposals worked out. But as it is, they haven't. So right now, I'm unemployed and broke. Okay, not broke, since I still have my allowance and savings... Wait, did that just make me sound a teensy bit spoilt? Nah.

The weather's quite a bummer. I mean, I LOVE RAIN, don't get me wrong. It's one of Nature's true beauty, but I can only appreciate it after I've gone for my swim. I need to swim!!!! I need to feel the cool water on my skin, hear my regulated breathing, feel the thumping of my heart muffled under the water. I am aching for it, aching to swim.

I had a crying fit again on Friday night. Just thinking about, you know, our purpose on this earth. It's all so meaningless it's enough to depress anyone. Because if you think about it, why exactly are we here? Maybe we don't really have a purpose. Maybe we have as much reason to be on this earth as ants do, or birds. Them birds that go around looking for food and staying away from predators and keeping competitors at bay. Maybe we think we have a reason to be alive - to leave behind a legacy, perhaps, or make the world a better place - but our lives, like everything else, are transient. We stay on this earth for, say, 80 or so years (maybe less?) and then die, just like everything else. Whatever legacy we leave behind - however great - will be forgotten or our achievements will have their importance diminished. For all that we've done, the next generation will probably come along and screw everything up again. We always think we're really smart and just because we're the most evolved, we must lead more meaningful lives than, say, baboons or flamingoes, but do we really? So what if we earn more money? Or can count? Or own a boat and know how to steer it? In death, all are equal, after all. In death, we're all reduced to our vessels, stripped of our secrets, possessions, and worldly connections. What does everything matter? And then it made me sad how detached I was, and how I could actually understand why perfectly sane people went crazy just stewing in their own heads.

There. Don't you feel depressed already?

It's always in the middle of the night that I think about stuff like this. Nighttime always makes me so emotional - not to mention hopelessly cynical. I cried so hard I had to sit up for half an hour to unblock my nose.

It must be PMS...

My dear Yiling wrote a song inspired by Bedful of Moonlight, after reading it all the way from chapter 3 to 11. She said the melody just started flowing. Man, that's real inspiration. But she told me to go back and work out the lyrics. So I did. Please don't laugh if it sounds cheesy! Lol.



The Other Side of Here


Verse 1: These are the tears
That I can no longer catch.
I watch them fall quietly down.
Wipe the film from your eyes,
Because dreams are not made of these.
You want to get to the other side,
You think there's nothing here for you.

Chorus: I know it might mean nothing to you,
But I’ll be here on the porch
With the light on and the mugs set,
Even if it’s the only way through to you,
Even if it’s all I can get.
I’ll see you on the other side of here.

Verse 2: These are the words
That we left between us.
I hear them every night.
You told me once, the loneliest man
Is the one who has lost it all.
You want to get on board that train
That would take you where you were before.

- Chorus –

Bridge: The smallest inch that sits between us
Is a chasm
That I can’t hope to cross.
You’re too far out of reach,
You’re too far out of reach.

- Chorus -

Is no news good news? Do I really have to place my faith in that cliche? It's been four weeks since I sent my manuscript to the most enthusiastic literary agent I've queried to date, Michelle Andelman. Most agents usually require 4 to 6 weeks to read a complete manuscript, so once 6 weeks are up and she hasn't replied.... *Sigh*

Please let her be interested in representing me. That is all I ever want. I can hear desperation in my voice. Can you?

I've gotten some feedback (mainly from Ger and the rest) that Bedful of Moonlight is nicer than When the Lilies Turn Orange. That is both good and bad news. Bad new because, obviously, not only is Lilies not the phenomenal debut I'd hoped it would be, my readers are unable to feel the same way about as I do. But the good news is that if my second novel is better than my first, that means I've improved in one way or another ... right?

One comment I've gotten was that Lilies has too much backstory that made the beginning rather draggy. Okay, fair point. I guess I can see where that came from. Seeing as how that was my first novel that took place in the slightly-Utopic-almost-dystopic estate of Wroughton, I felt the need to firmly establish the setting so as to set the tone and mood of the story.

If Michelle Andelman decides to represent me and wants me to get rid of all that backstory, I'll hack it off, no question. (Again with the desperation. You hear it? It's almost embarrassing. I'm like grovelling.

The reason why I prefer Lilies is because of the setting, and the romance. For Lilies, I always draw up the image of a grand wrought-iron gate flanked by high hedges, with vines curling all over it. And inside the Garden, there'd be a stone fountain, and a maze that eventually leads to the nursery and gift shop, and Raven's (the story's protagonist) favourite hideout: the statue of Venus, where she brings Connell on his birthday...

And the garden would be wild and buzzing, full of life and secrets, and the sweet, heady perfumes of flowers are witnesses to the dark romance between Raven and Connell.

It's just really dramatic for me. Which is how I like it.

As for Bedful of Moonlight, I imagine a quiet cemetary, full of lush greenery everywhere, serene and restful. A quiet lane runs around the cemetary and into the heart of the estate. The rain is over, raindrops slide off the leaves, and the world is cleansed, left cool and gasping, reborn. Just like how moving to Wroughton represents a new life for Kristen.

(I trawled through a hell lot of pictures to find that cemetary one. But it still isn't quite like what I picture. The lane isn't there, for one thing. And for another, I didn't picture so many tombs so closely packed against one another. The cemetary I have in mind is spacious, open, full of light and wind.)

Thoughts, anyone? Feel free to comment.

5 Ways to Stay Awake

My Top 5 Ways to Stay Awake:

5. Think about breakfast - cereal or fruit salad?
4. Do some crunches. Nothing like getting blood to your head to stay up at night.
3. Revel in the quiet of the night. It was raining last night, and I just love thunderstorms at night. There's the sense of the world being cleansed after a long day of ugliness, turmoil and heartache.
2. One word: music. Listen to some Circus by Britney, or Single Ladies by Beyonce.
1. Lie on your back with your eyes shut and imagine scenarios that can take place in your story. It works for me everytime I'm stuck. Not only did I fill up four pages worth of ideas last night, it kept me up for three hours.

By the way.

Ryan Reynolds, everyone, as Wade Wilson (aka Deathpool) in X Men Origins. Scarlett Johansson is one lucky girl :)

Easy reading is damn hard writing.
~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

Okay, guys. I've found a way to make things easier if you want to read my stories. My lifejournal account will be solely for posting my stories. Go to http://write-raven.livejournal.com, or My Lifejournal Page for the link.

Please give comments, feedback, criticism. Bash, batter, mould it. Any remarks made regarding my writing will be appreciated. I've just posted the first chapter of Bedful of Moonlight. Some of you might have read it already, but I'll see how the response is before posting some more up.

Isn't swimming just the most wonderful sport ever? I just love the coolness of the water, the way it ripples past you when you swim, and the feel of your muscles when you pull the water back. Mmm, delishhh. Plus, it totally clears your mind. When I swim, I don't have to think about anything but how good the water feels against my skin. I'm so addicted to it.

Anyway, I just caught X Men Origins with my dad yesterday evening after work. I wasn't really keen on watching it initially, because there wasn't much eye candy and the entire show was about Wolverine. I mean, I love Hugh Jackman - he's charismatic, he's a good actor, he seems like a great guy, how he dotes on his daughter, and he's very down-to-earth - but he's a little out of my age range, you know? But dad's paying, so whatever. It turned out good, actually. Hugh did well, as usual. He displayed a gamut of raw emotions, but didn't overdo it. Plus, because he's so beefy, he looks credible as Wolverine, the strongest mutant ever (until the Wade-reincarnation came along, that is, but more on that later).

So as I watched the movie, out comes Ryan Reynolds, who was the main character in the romcom Definitely, Maybe (also starring Rachel Weisz, Isla Fisher and some other girl, whatever). When I first saw him, I didn't think he was all that cute. Like, a grade B+ maybe? (Jensen's A+, by the way - no on else is.) But you should really check out Reynolds' biceps in Origins. It's insane. It was those biceps that caught my eye first - I was like, omg, check out those arms of his! - and then he did that crazy twirling thing with his precious swords and killed of a whole room of bodyguards. And I'm sold. Ryan Reynolds is officially hot in my book.

Gambit, played by Taylor Kitsch, is okay. For all the drooling and anticipation from the girls at Seventeen, Cleo, and First magazines, I'd expected a little more. Taylor looks like a cross between James Franco and Ben Barnes. Which is cute if you're into them. But I'm not. But he was okay as Gambit.

Okay. Enough horniness.

After the SMRT interview last week, I didn't get the job after all. I'm fine with it, really. But that means I'd have to work at Robinsons during its May sale (from the 7th to the 27th). And suddenly I don't feel like working there at all.

Maybe the bottomline is just that I don't want to work.

Come on, I have stuff to do! I just don't get paid.

And this, my friends, takes us back to the proverbial root of all evil. Isn't barter trading so much simpler? We wouldn't have any financial crisis at all. And I'd be able to write in peace until 3 August without being forced (okay, exaggeration here, since dad didn't force me to) go out and serve people to get paid 5 bucks per hour.